The Brink

Since the relaunch of the blog space here, I’ve given you all the details on the reasons why I’ve been a bit more quiet over the past few years than I would have liked to be. Most of that had to do with having an incredibly busy life which meant that although there were plenty of benefits both professionally and creatively for having this space, I simply had to give up something and this ended up being it.

However, when relaunching, most of those things were still in place. In fact, although my family and I moved off the farm in order to try and find more free time, with school and pandemic and work and life, I’ve actually found myself feeling more overwhelmed than ever.

And the most overwhelming period of my life right now is the last week of a term in school. Or, as I like to refer to it: two weeks ago

I chose an online school that works more like a correspondence program than it does an actual school. Considering I already do the job that I’m getting the degree for, and I’ve already basically completed my bachelor’s degree once (although a semester shy at an unaccredited school means I was as good as having done zero college), a program with no actual class time and limited teacher engagement seemed perfect for me. And it is. Except, well, they don’t exactly do a great job at preparing you for the size of the final projects, which means that from time to time, as I’m nearing the end of a course, expecting to only have one normal sized assignment left, I suddenly find out that I have a 26-page paper due in less than a week.

Two weeks ago was rough. Add on to that how I was really focused on finishing the final edits on my work in progress and trying to get a play script ready for practices to start in November and work and kids and everything else that life requires and by the end of that week I was so absolutely overwhelmed with all the things on my plate that I found it difficult to even communicate with anyone.

But, I’m here to tell you that I finished all my school work, my book is now complete, and I’m well on schedule to getting this play ready in time for the theatre troupe to start practicing it. In fact, I’m in the cozy period between terms. Well, I would have been if it weren’t for the fact that I’m switching jobs right now and have to implement all of the transition plans that I haven’t actually written yet.

I had this plan to have a relatively nice few weeks between terms where I could wrap up a couple of larger projects on my plate and still get through the normal stuff and maybe find some time to sit in the hammock and read for an hour or two. Instead, I’m still at the edge of my abilities of getting things done in a day and trying to figure out how anyone can actually live like this for any real length of time.

So, I’ve been working on trying to find ways to find my chill. To be able to relax amid the chaos. I’ve found a moment here or there. And I’m pretty excited to note that I’ve completed some projects that I’ve been behind on. And I’m less than a year away from finishing school, finally. But it has been that whole effort of trying to find the calm amid the storm that is my life which has been a struggle as of late.

And it turns out that this blog, the exact thing that I had dropped because of not having any time, has served perfectly for this. Taking an hour or so every morning to do a little writing about whatever is on my mind has really done a number for giving me the opportunity to start my day fresh. Even if there’s still this absolute screaming happening inside my head of all the things I should be doing instead of writing about whatever stupid thing is pulling at my brain stem this morning.

So, I’m still here. And I intend to be here. Just know that on the other side of this screen is a guy who is really excited for the moment where he can find that hammock.

Maybe next June…


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