Adam Oster, Novelist

Hey, look….it’s Valentine’s Day!

Don’t look too close at the history of this holiday, however, because, well, it doesn’t make that much sense.

I guess it makes a little bit of sense. Considering it started as a celebration of Spring, and now it’s a time in which couples use it as an excuse to role play as bunnies.

But that’s not why I’m here. I’m here to talk about my own personal relationship with the holiday.

I remember being a kid, going to a school in which I had very few people I could consider friends, and having Valentine’s Day arrive. It was a big deal. We would all come in with these amazingly decorated boxes in which people were expected to put cards for each other into with cutesy little sayings on them and probably a piece of candy. I know this still happens to some extent in schools today, but it doesn’t feel nearly as integral as it did back then.

But for me, a loser in the school, I always remember feeling a little weird about the whole thing. Because I’d still get a box filled with valentines. I knew nobody really wanted to ‘Bee Mine’, but they’d still place a card and some candy into my admittedly not as well-designed box.

At first I think I took it to mean that maybe people didn’t dislike me as much as I thought, but it didn’t take long before I realized it was just part and parcel of the whole deal. Everyone got a valentine, regardless of their status in your friend circle.

As I got older, the date became less and less important. Sure, in high school, when I started dating, I would need to try and make something special happen on that day, which I generally failed at. I’d fail partially because of this deep down resentment for the fakeness of the holiday, but also because I’ve never been all that great at being romantic.

And then after high school, it all felt incredibly, I don’t know, unimportant.

When I started dating my wife, I definitely wanted to do things the right way. I liked this girl and wanted to impress upon her exactly how much I wanted her to ‘Bee Mine’. I remember spending a lot of money on a meal out for her, which ended up being a meal that would change our lives in a lot of ways, mostly because it changed our relationship with food from being important for survival, to being something we could truly enjoy. We’ve spent far too much money on food ever since.

But today, I’ve unfortunately gotten to the point where Valentine’s Day becomes more of an afterthought than anything else. It’s not that I don’t want to celebrate the love I have for my wife, it’s more that it’s a random day in the middle of a week that I need to make feel special while still ensuring we get through all of the other things necessary for the week. It feels like more of a distraction, I guess. Which makes me feel bad. For years I would try to make the day special. Even for the kids. And now, in part because of how absolutely busy I’ve been with school and everything else, I have this little note on my computer reminding me that I need to make something happen, and it all just falls to the last minute, not even getting that date figured out until it is absolutely too late to get a reservation at any place worth having a date at. This year it might be in the McDonalds parking lot.

But, I do want to take a moment to express just how much I do love my forever valentine. While I may not have gone out of my way nearly as much as I would have liked to this year, I still have you in my thoughts all the time. And I’m really excited about being done with this school stuff so I can find more mental energy to dote on you again.

Maybe I should start planning for next year’s February 14th now…