As I write this, I am sitting on the cusp of change. One job ending, another job beginning, two writing projects completed, with numerous opportunities for the next ones, a new school term, my children finally being able to be vaccinated, and honestly, there are all these things swirling around that for the past few months I have been feeling so impossibly overwhelmed by it all that I never felt as though I’d be able to get out from under it.
But today, as I’m on my last day of work at the old job, I think I’ve finally found my calm.
For the past few weeks, I’ve started my day with the impossible weight of all the things I need to get done by today, and most of them aren’t even actually completed, although mighty close, and now that I’ve reached the day, it’s almost as if none of that ever truly mattered.
Presumably this is the calm before the storm that will inevitably come because of all the new which starts next week, but for right now, at this very moment, I’m in a very zen place, and it feels pretty darn awesome.
I wish I could just melt into this zen state of mind, give up on all the things that need doing today and hang out in a hammock and read for the rest of the day (unfortunately it’s raining out, so hammock time is probably not in the cards). I have this fear that by the time I actually reach the end of my day, when I’m in that beautiful moment between when old ends and new begins, that I’ll have become so beaten down by the efforts of the day that I won’t actually get to enjoy this moment of zen fully.
But for right now, in this moment, as I finish my cup of coffee, I’m feeling really amazingly good about the future. And that’s something I haven’t actually felt in quite some time.
So, forgive me if I allow myself to just sit in this moment for a bit longer. Because I’m really not eager to go back to that guy who feels like the world is constantly in danger of exploding. I miss the calm. It’s nice to have it back, even if I fear for it’s brevity.