At the time you’re reading this, I’m well past the moment I actually sat back to write this little thing. But, I feel that I need to make you aware of this incredibly weird and special thing that happened suddenly (especially since we’ve now opened the bakery). Something that I know my wife at this exact moment didn’t have happen. However, in the midst of this craziness that has been my life for the past few months, between waiting for final grades, getting ready to buy a business (at the time of this writing, it’s set to happen tomorrow), and just all of the standard life stuff, I actually managed to find myself with a moment to myself. A moment when I didn’t actually know what to do.
And…I don’t know what to do.
When life has been running at full steam for as long as my life has felt as it has, it’s an incredibly weird feeling to sit, staring at your computer, thinking that there’s got to be something you’re forgetting to do.
And I’m totally forgetting something I’m supposed to be doing right now.
But, once I got past that moment, realizing that I had approximately 15 minutes in which I didn’t have anything planned for filling my time, I got somewhat excited about the idea of actually filling that time with writing.
And then I sat back, opened up a Word Document, and sat there with a blank document for the following five minutes. For someone who has been wanting to do nothing but write fiction for the past few years, when given the opportunity to actually just sit and create, I couldn’t. I froze. I thought about all the things that I might still need to complete. And as I worked through them, and realized that I was where I needed to be on all of them, I came to the realization that even if I’m actually at a point where I actually could have a moment to myself, a free second to just do whatever I wanted…I didn’t know what to do with that.
And so, because I’m now down to less than 10 minutes of free time, and I wanted to get something out, I thought I’d tell you about this ridiculous moment that I found myself in, where I finally got to that holy grail of having absolutely no requirements for a brief period of time, and still being in that headspace of having all the things to do.
And, to be honest, it’s bittersweet. While I’m excited that I actually made it here for what feels like the first time in forever, I’m a little annoyed with myself for not making good use of it.
I mean, I did come up with something new to write about on this space (in a way its new at least). So, that’s something.
But…the boys are almost done with karate now, so time to get back to driving all the children everywhere before I collapse in an exhausted heap by the time I make it home tonight…
But even more so, yay for actually finding a free minute. Fingers are heavily crossed that this might come again sometime soon. Because I’d really like to get back to some real writing.