The Idea of Actually Being Done

By the time you read this, I’ll have been done with my coursework for over a week. I considered putting this post up immediately, but I feel like I might need this to mellow a bit before I actually put it out there for everyone to read. Because, today, which happens to be February 16, 2022, is the first day in over 2 years that I haven’t actually felt like I needed to do anything for school, because yesterday, I actually managed to complete all the assignments necessary to be able to graduate.

With that being said, because I’m still waiting to submit some things, and there are a ton of things that have yet to be graded, I don’t quite feel out of the fire yet. As I mentioned previously, there’s this part of me who feels like there’s still a very real possibility that the rug will simply be pulled out from under me and I’m just going to absolutely fail.

And I simply can’t shake it. No matter what I do.

Which means I’m not quite to the point of celebration. Not yet. But I am, absolutely, 100%, to the point of feeling a large warm hug of relief. Because whether or not I’m actually able to graduate, because whether or not something absolutely stupid happens where suddenly graduation just can’t happen, today, I don’t have to do any homework. And that’s an amazing feeling. Especially after the last two weeks of burying my head into homework and feeling as though I’ll never get out.

In fact, I’m honestly considering trying to find some way to fit in a nap today, just as a little form of celebration.

But…it won’t actually happen, because unfortunately, regardless of being done with homework, I still have actual life to deal with. I was going to try and take a day or two off after completing my coursework as a form of celebration, but work has been quite busy as of late, and I just don’t think I can actually do it.

But for right now, I’m sitting on my couch, taking a slow approach to the day, and really feeling happy with myself for getting through the ridiculous task I’ve given myself, even if I’m not quite feeling safe yet.

And, that still feels pretty darn good.

And tomorrow…maybe I’ll actually sit back and do a little bit of real writing for a change.

Or I might put it off for another day yet…who knows. I’m really freaking tired.


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