Old Drafts: The Legend of Buddy Hero

I thought I’d share a little bit of old writing for all of you, just to give you an idea of the process I’ve gone through over the years. The following little bit of writing was one of the first things I wrote when trying to work out my ideas for The Legend of Buddy Hero. This was a point in which the book would have been a lot more like The Incredibles, but then that movie came out and I needed to find a different way in to the story I wanted to tell. Importantly, this was one of the first pieces of narrative fiction I actually tried to write, meaning it’s incredibly rough, and I’ve decided to keep it primarily in its original form, with a little bit of editing for typos and formatting. Considering how rough my writing was at this point, maybe it could serve to show that everyone has to start at their craft from somewhere?

“Today was yet another example of spectacular theatrics on the part of the Defense League as they once again saved the world from definite destruction,” I hear coming from the TV set over the bar. Tracy LaLane, horrendously reading from the teleprompter, seems to be taunting me from the flickering screen, going on and on about the glorious Defense League and their heroic efforts.  I find myself wanting to tear out my eyes as she continues while showing the images of this team of flamboyantly dressed freaks going about their business of saving the world.

“The threat du jour came from yet another meteor aligning with the earth’s orbit.  As always, our saviors at the Defense League were quick to act as the danger became apparent.  Colonel Courageous, ever the face of the team, held a press conference this afternoon to outline their efforts.”

The screen changes to an image of the Colonel standing in front of City Hall, surrounded by his entourage of costumed crusaders.  The frame seems to have been perfectly aligned so that it looks like the statue of Lady Justice is watching over him.  It is possible he was allowed to set up the camera angle himself?  I suppose they’ve got a pretty good PR set up over there. . . If only the world knew how Lady Justice really would view him if she was not just a statue looking down upon him.

“People of the city of Ikon,” Courageous begins, ever the one for putting on a show, “and of the rest of the world, today is yet another day that shall be entered into the history books.”

I mean seriously, the balls on this guy.  You’d think someone would be able to see through his crap, right?

“As you’re all by now aware, the planet earth was threatened again today by a giant asteroid that threatened to destroy all life on our wondrous soil. I am here to tell you that this threat has been contained.  After conferring with several of the world’s top cosmologists, it has now become understood that this will not be the last of this kind of threat upon our lives.  Although the cause of this recent continuing threat has not yet been determined, you can be certain that the Defense League will not rest until our children can feel safe.  For this reason, twelve of the League’s 15 members are being deployed into the depths of space to research the cause and the extent of this disturbance in our solar system.”

Yeah, there you go, twelve of you need to go out and check out how many big rocks are plummeting towards Earth.  I’m sure there’s nothing in it for them either.  I mean seriously, twelve?  I can’t imagine which of the three are the chumps who are going stuck behind with the rest of us. . .

Because of the obvious repercussions that will occur due to so many of the Defense League gone at one time, we are calling upon the hard-working police officers and emergency personnel to carry on in our stead.  These diligent men and women have always been the backbone to the legacy of keeping our nation safe, and I can’t imagine any better hands to leave you in.  However, the true key to our nation’s safety lies within you, the common people.  With such a tragedy on hand, I know that we can work together and feel safe.”

Jeez, now he just sounds like a parent leaving the kids with a babysitter.  How much more cocky can this guy get?  He might as well just tell us that if we’re bad while he’s gone we’re going to be grounded. Hell, I wouldn’t put it past him if he did ground us.  How the hell did this guy ever become the Icon of Ikon?

“Now, although I know it is standard procedure to answer questions after such an announcement as this, however, it is important that our operation begins immediately.  So, with that, I leave the world in your hands, good people of Earth.  Take care!”

And then in perfect unison, they all fly away.  I wonder how long they worked on that to get the image perfect?  It definitely comes off as quite the sight.  Maybe they have some sort of hand signal or something.

“Hey, BH, whatcha think about that, huh?  All yer pals jest up and left ya.” Carl, the bartender, sounds like he started smoking while he was hanging out in his mother’s womb.  All the same, he knows how to make a drink strong, and usually keeps from talking about the superhero stuff.

“Carl, come on, you know I don’t go by that name anymore.”

“Sorry, Buddy, you knows it’s alls cuz I tinks youse the best and all though, right?”

“Forget about it.”

“Fergottin’.  So’s, whatcha tinks about all dis, though?  Youse tinks they gonna find somethin’ out der in da outers spaces and whatnot?”

“I think it’s just another example of those freaks trying to lord it all over us common folks, trying to make us believe we couldn’t get by without them, you know? How do we know any of this is even real?”

“I dunno, Buddy, dat’s why I was axin’ you.  I thought dat maybes you might-“

“That’s not my life anymore, Carl.  Can we talk about somethig else?”

“Sure ting, Buddy, what youse wanna talk about?”

“How about another glass of whiskey?”

The idea for this scene, although it was never completed, was that a monster would fall from the sky and land just outside the bar.  This would happen in several places all over the city, and seeing as the big name heroes had all left (for reasons we would have later found out were just because they were going to go party or some sort of ill-conceived conspiracy theory I don’t remember anymore), it was left to Buddy and the C-Squad superheroes to save the day.

Which Buddy, of course, would do reluctantly….and drunk.


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