“You were expecting me?” Jessica asked, her eyes never leaving the giant beasts overhead.
“Adam, meet Jessica Trelawnty, the self-proclaimed number one expert in all things paranormal,” The Badger declared with his hands importantly placed upon his hips.
“And you know you I am?” Jessica’s attention turned toward the men at this realization. “No one knows who I am.”
“Couldn’t you have come up with someone who is definitively the number one expert,” Adam asked, “instead of just someone who claims to be such?”
“We need a little bit of drama, don’t we? Gotta keep the readers interested.”
“What readers?” Jessica asked.
“Yeah, what readers?” Adam repeated.
The Badger laughed loudly at Adam’s comment. Adam merely frowned.
Jessica looked at the two in confusion. “Did neither of you notice my dramatic entrance, appearing right at your sides on a motorcycle as buildings crumbled all around me?”
“No,” Adam answered.
“I actually cut that bit, just to get through the drivel a little bit more.”
“You’d think you’d cut all this stupid dialogue between the two of us, then,” Adam said with a scowl.
“My point being, I came here all excitedly and you two are too busy talking about some book you’re working on or something. Don’t we have more important things to worry about?” Jessica gestured wildly at the two monsters who both let out an amazingly large roar as they ran toward each other, resulting in a loud thudding of meat which echoed through the hills.
“Oh, yeah, that,” The Badger smirked. “So, you’re all good at this paranormal stuff, right? Can you deal with those two while my author and I go off and find some place to hide. We’re not really sure how this whole fictional insanity thing works, but it would really not work out well for either of us to find out that if we die in this book we somehow die in the real world.”
“Aren’t you immortal?” Adam asked.
“Well, yeah, but that doesn’t mean–”
“What the hell are you two talking about? We have two class 40 monsters roaming around the city here and you’re babbling on about nothing. Heck, they might even be class 50 for all I can tell from this vantage point.”
“Right,” The Badger replied, “so, deal with it already.”
“You want me to deal with it?” Jessica huffed. “Just, like, run over there and ask the two monsters to politely find some other place to take care of their business far and away from the habitats of humans so you two can continue on talking about whatever nonsense you’ve been talking about.”
“Yeah, if you think that will work. That sounds great,” The Badger answered hopefully. “Do that.”
“And aren’t you supposed to be The Badger, the guy the entire United States government has backed to stop situations like these?” Jessica asked.
“Oh, that was a while back, back before I actually had to get directly involved.”
“So you’re saying that now that everything has gotten all real, you’re too afraid to do what’s necessary?”
“I hadn’t come up with how this was all going to be resolved when I started the story.”
“You two are just hopeless. Here I thought I was coming to find some of the most amazing events in human history, what with you two appearing to have some sort of god-like powers, while also being here at the time of the arrival of the titans, but it turns out you’re both just–”
“If I had known that this was all going to happen when I brought the monster into it, then I wouldn’t have–”
“I knew it!” Jessica shouted, her eyes widening as she stepped threateningly toward The Badger. “You are the reason the monsters are here!”
“Well, yeah,” Adam began, “but the reality is that we really didn’t think we were going to have to deal with it firsthand.”
“I should have known,” Jessica said, pulling out a pistol from her hip holster than the narrator really should have thought about making sure to say she didn’t have. “You two are cultists! That’s the only way you could possibly have this much power. Now stop this damned mess or I swear to God I will put a bullet in both of your heads faster than you can–”
“Now listen here,” The Badger said, approaching Jessica grumpily, “I made you–”
Jessica pulled the trigger and a bullet went directly through The Badgers skull, causing him to fall flat.
She pointed the weapon at Adam, who was now freaking out quite thoroughly.
“Okay big guy, what about you. Do you want to stop this or am I going to have to stop you as well?”