Flash Fiction Friday: Soap Needed

So…this isn’t as much flash fiction as it is something I thought about while in the shower not so long ago (and happened to be out of soap). Wrote it up back then, polished it just a little to post today).


Man gets in shower, notices he is out of soap.



“Please place order for immediate soap delivery.”

“Please designate form of payment.”

“Cash, duh.”

“Insufficient funds.”

“Insufficient funds.  For a bar of soap?  How much does that cost?”

“For immediate drone delivery, $20.00.  Current bank balance is 11.28”

“How much for normal delivery?”

“4.29, tax included.”

“How the hell does it cost more to have a damned drone come out than it does for a guy in a big old truck to drive all the way out here with gas and everything?”

“As you may be aware, when drone delivery first came into place, there was a determination to include a convenience fee to ensure that the millions of jobs in the delivery indus—“

“It was a damned rhetorical question.  Update your programming logic to include asking me if I want an explanation before explaining crap to me in the future.”

“Programming updated.”

“And get me some damned soap.”

“Traditional delivery, sir?”

“How bad do I smell?”

“Initiating odor density detection scan.  Results are that you currently are infested with a high density of unpleasant odor particles.”

“Fine, immediate delivery, please.”

“Shall I contact the appropriate payday lenders to pay for this purchase.”

“Yeah, how long till the soap gets here.”

“Ten minutes.  Shall I assume you will forego current water use restrictions and continue your shower until the product arrives?”

“Yeah.  And make sure the drone comes to the bathroom window.  Don’t want to have to get out just because the damned robot wants to drop things off at the front door.”

“As you wish.”



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