Fat Mogul vs. The Snow

from Wikipedia.
from Wikipedia.

I recently came to the realization that although I had left Tuesdays to just talk about whatever random item might pop into my head at any given moment, I haven’t been…I’ve been using it for things that seem so much more…you know…planned out or something.

So, instead, I’m taking today off.  Today is about nothing worthwhile, important, or anything that you should care about at all.

Today is about how I feel about snow.

Now, although I’ll be soaking up the Florida sun when this thing hits the internets, at the time of writing this, I’m still 9 days away from it…meaning, I’m still dealing with another 9 days of below freezing temperatures…9 days of cars that really don’t want to start, 9 days of kids who cry the second they step outside because their snot instantly froze all across their brain, 9 days of putting on fifteen layers just to check the mail, 9 days of…okay, you get the idea.

Here’s the thing: I hate snow.  I’m not one of those people who go, “Ooooh, the snow is so great, at least for the first couple weeks.” I have never been one to utter, “I could never live somewhere down South, because I need to have a snowy winter”.  In fact, I don’t believe I’ve ever even just sat by the window during the first snow of the year and said anything similar to “now this, this is why I stay in Wisconsin.”

Now, don’t get me wrong, there are things about winter that I enjoy.  There’s not much better than a great sledding hill.  I love throwing snow balls at my kids.  And I’ve recently found that ice skating can be a much more majestic alternative to roller skating (meaning, you can do it as an adult without looking like an idiot).

But that doesn’t mean that it’s a requirement for me at all.

In fact, I lived most of my childhood without the stuff.  My only actual memory of snow for the first 14 years of my life involved a pile of the stuff that came up to my chest (because I was about 4 at the time this memory formed).

But here’s the thing.  I actually don’t mind the snow at all.  I don’t even care as much about the cold…although I could really do with a climate that doesn’t involve needing to state which side of zero you are on when you state the weather outside.

It’s the sun that I miss.

Wisconsin is an odd mistress when it comes to the sun.  I need it…it withholds it for somewhere around 9 months of the year.  For a while, I used to deal with some pretty bad depression due to the fact that I just didn’t see any sort of solar radiation for months at a time.  So bad, in fact, that for a couple years, I would hit up a tanning bed for a couple minutes a day..which, I’ll add, actually helped lift my mood.

The snow’s not too bad when it really comes down to it. It’s almost like living at the beach, except the sand is everywhere and then melts when it comes inside…even if it’s inexplicably ended up down your pants.  It’s cold, but that just means that it’s more fun to throw at people, without any real danger of blinding them for life.

Snow is actually the awesome counterpart to beach sand, and you get to make paths through it and can make people and forts and whatever else that stick around for months until the sun finally clears the earth of the stuff.  Snow makes for the ultimate temporary (although, in Wisconsin, the temporary isn’t quite as temporary as many other areas) playground.

But for some reason, my kids just don’t see it…unless I’m out there with them playing in it myself.

Sooo…new plan for life…invent snow that sticks around in warmer weather, but then also somehow melts when you want it to…yeah…okay…that might be difficult.

Guess I can’t have the best of both worlds.

But sheesh I wish it’d warm up…says the guy who is wearing shorts and swimming when you read this…

Have fun out there!  I’m sure I am.


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