So…to continue on the idea from yesterday, I’m beginning the attempts to quash my addiction to negativity (something that probably comes from my upbringing in the 90’s) and learn to create a more positive outlook by doing so.
I know…lame stuff….but, you know…this is my stupid diary, you can lay off. (seriously…this is some full-on diar-rhetoric…I wouldn’t suggest reading it)
One of the first things I’ve been doing is to try to redirect my brain when I see negative thoughts cropping up. It’s actually a lot harder than I imagined it would be. When I feel those dark little storm clouds crowding above my head, I attempt to think of something that might bring out the sunshine…but…yeah…sometimes those clouds just want to stay.
But it’s the thinking about things that really helps rewire how the brain works. Sure, at first it feels a little extra depressing as you attempt to think of the positives and all you can continue to think about are the negatives. It makes one feel as though there really is nothing positive going on at a given moment.
However, when everything finally works, when you start getting those positive notes back from your sluggish happy center…they begin to flow somewhat rapidly.
So, the next step, on my 12 step process of beating my addiction (just kidding, there’s way more steps than that) is to actually focus on being grateful about a specific thing in my life.
Obviously, I can focus on my wife and kids and spout general praise about how if it weren’t for them I’d be a puddle in some couch unable to ever separate myself from my Netflix queue…I considered doing so, but I found that to be something of a cop out, and my wife would then be forced to come into my office after reading it and make some sort of mushy comment back, and overall it would just be uncomfortable for everyone.
Instead, I’ve decided to stretch the optimism muscles a little further and work that silver lining magic that I need to master….
And because one of the greatest sources for my current negativity is my official occupation…I’m going to show today just how grateful I am for the job that I spend most days wishing I could quit.
Before I start…I am going to allow for one piece of negativity, because I believe this is an important note to make, especially for my own understanding. There is truly only one real reason I hate my job. Sure, there are a multitude of miniature pieces that pile up underneath it, but there’s really only one thing that makes the job an issue for myself. It’s not the job I want to be working for the rest of my life. The reason I get so down on it is because often, due to my current addiction to negativity, I fear that I will never get away from it. I see it as a prison…and that scares me.
But here’s the stupid thing…my job is actually rather perfect. Seven years ago I started a process of trying to redefine my career. I had been working at a place that, although fun, was even more prison-like than my current one. It had no future, and couldn’t really even afford to pay me. I spent most of my days bored out of my wits just counting down the hours until closing time. When I got married, I decided it was time to find something that met with my needs a bit better, as well as, hopefully, something that would actually pay me well.
When money started drying up, due to some issues with my wife’s career redirection and a few other unexpected complications, I took the first job I could find. I’m still there.
I work from home, I get paid much nicer than anything I’ve seen previously, and, honestly, there’s not much that’s expected from me, at least in comparison with my actual abilities. It’s a job that’s easy enough for me to do without actually getting stressed out, allows me to think outside the box and fix things (things I love to do), and gives me the freedom during the day to do things many other jobs wouldn’t…you know, like write this blog post or work on my author-type things.
Because of my current occupation, I’ve been able to complete my rather idiotic dreams of watching every Star Trek episode ever (a dream that will be complete this week as I finish watching the animated series) and every Doctor Who episode ever (I’m currently working my way through the seventh doctor, which will leave me just the TV movie). I’m able to get laundry run, eat cheap lunches, and have coffee that doesn’t make my stomach churn. I don’t feel as though everyone’s looking over my shoulder and I still get to keep that sense of feeling as though I’m able to offer a useful service to my employer.
My job is actually quite perfect for me, especially right now.
So, when you hear me getting negative about my job…just slap me. It’s really stupid. I do have higher aspirations and will continue to work toward them, both career-wise and author-wise (as it’s quite possible to be a long time before the two converge). But until then, I have the perfect opportunity to do what I need in my current position. I’ve just been having a hard time justifying the now because of my view of the future….
But, even more importantly…I have a job, and I’m able to pay the bills while still being able to keep my head well above water. Any complaining I do is simply whining. And I feel rather guilty about that…
So…that’s my positive outlook. And it’s honestly a very important one for myself. I’m feeling a lot better already 😉
Have fun out there!