You see that picture over there? That’s the result of over two hours of intense planning and work and finding of bed coverings. No, not the look on that scary guy with the beard, the awesome tent that has now taken over the living room of my house.
You see, in case you’re somehow unaware…it’s hellaciously cold (great oxymoron, amiright?) in the Midwest right now. I mean, like, you know the giant continent that encompasses the southernmost portion of our globe? Colder than that (at least today…). You know the snow planet in Star Wars where the Yeti lives and Luke has to be tossed inside the steamy remains of some ugly kangaroo reject? Colder than that. You know that one part of your refrigerator that mysteriously and immediately freezes any food that you place within (which shall henceforth be known as the Kenmore Triangle)…colder than that.
The movie that no one actually saw, but I use as a guidemap for my life, The Day After Tomorrow, has finally come true…unfortunately, as opposed to Wisconsin being the last place standing, we’re looking like we’re going to be the first to fall.
But I have a plan! That’s right, I know how to fool that nasty old North Wind. I ain’t going outside! Me and my family will just hang out inside our house and wait it out. Only problem is…our house is draftier than the earth itself. If there’s a wind outside, it’s about ten times stronger inside…so, for that reason, as well as the reason that it’s almost impossible to keep a 2-year old boy from going nuts with being stuck inside for more than a few hours, I spent all of nap time yesterday building what I am considering the best sheet fort ever created. Sure…there are some structural weak spots that I could probably correct utilizing some simple modifications to the super-structure, but, well, it’s got a radiator, a tv, a table for games, and a lazyboy…as well as a body pillow and 5-million other blankets and pillows covering the floor (which also manages to have its own draft).
It’s wintermageddon outside…in here, it’s a slumber party that just won’t end. Although…the kids are gonna have to go back to school tomorrow, because…well…I just can’t entertain them much longer, even if they did love watching Shrek the Musical on Netflix this morning.
And the end of wintermageddon (although, not really, because it’s supposed to really be around through Wednesday) brings about the beginning of Facebookpocalypse…the end of social media for this guy [picture me pointing to myself with both thumbs]. I’ve been questioning the decision ever since I initially made it, which only serves to further my fear that this is an addiction that must be kicked. I will miss the interactions that occur on there, but honestly, I need to work on getting some more real life interactions going, or at least more direct ones, instead of just trying to come up with witty responses to witty statuses.
And I’ll have no idea how to fill awkward pauses in conversations with my wife….
Yeah…we still have those. Don’t you?
Shut up, you totally do, you just don’t realize it because you’re checking your twitter feed again.
Anyways…it’s happening and life will never be the same, but of course, will be exactly the same, but with less of a use for my ‘smart’ phone. Maybe I can go back to the flip phone and pretend I’m Captain Kirk once again….
Those were the days.
Okay…anyways, I’ve got very little to put in here, in case you didn’t notice. So…to recap…It’s cold. I’m living in a tent in the middle of my house, considering building a fire in the tent, because it’s still kinda drafty in there, although the warmest place in the house…and I’m quitting facebook and twitter tomorrow.
So…yeah…have fun out there. And please please please please please…if you’re in the Midwest…keep warm. For the love of God, keep warm!