Alright, so the cat is out of the bag. I’m old.
But, I’m starting to become okay with that.
Birthdays have traditionally been something I’ve pretended didn’t happen because it marked another year gone without actually achieving any of my goals. Another year closer to death, another year where I haven’t done jack squat.
Of course, this got better after I met my wife, started having kids, and whatever else. But the whole suburban dad life-style was never my intended thing. I’m enjoying it pretty darn heavily, but, yeah, wasn’t exactly a bucket list item.
This year, however, with the official release of my book, the impending completion of a couple more books, and the growing fanbase of people who actually (pretend?) to like my books. . . well, I feel as though I may actually be getting closer to the person I have long intended to become. The wife and kids and happy home life obviously helps as well.
But there’s one thing that I can’t help but feel somewhat saddened about. Each year that is added onto my life seems to add yet more responsibilities. Now that I’m actually moving forward on doing the many creative things that I had intended to do as early as high school, I find myself wishing I had the free time I once had. Even ten years ago there was plenty of time where I would just sit on a couch, half awake, thinking that I could be doing something more with my time. Sure, if I had that kind of free time today, there’s nothing saying I’d be any better about getting off my butt and actually being motivated, but I like to think so.
But there is one thing that getting older does better than anything else. It DOES motivate me. As I see the clock ticking further, I find myself more and more dedicated to reaching my goals, as if death is awaiting me around every corner (yeah, I know that’s silly, I’m still pretty young yet). When apathy begins to hit, or lethargy, or just plain laziness, I am still able to find the motivation to move forward with my goals.
And I’m happy to announce that although I’m nowhere near being the type of guy who can quit his day job to live out life as a creative, I still feel pretty well accomplished, just in getting folks I have absolutely no connection to, to read my books and actually enjoy them. That’s really all us creative folks want, right? Validation? Recognition? To pass on our art and have someone actually understand/respect what we are doing with it?
I’ve done many different forms of creative expression over the years, very few of them were ones I actually completed and felt proud about. The Legend of Buddy Hero marks a severe change in that emotion, so it makes me even happier to know that the one thing that I truly feel good about (with regards to my creative expressions) is something that seems to be good in other people’s eyes. Heck, I was ready to receive mass-negativity and still be proud that I’d done something I actually enjoyed in the end. And sure, there are folks who don’t dig it, perhaps the majority of those who read it put it down feeling they’ve wasted their time. I’d like to say that it bothers me to think that could be true, but seriously, just having one person say they actually liked it is enough to keep me moving forward.
This is a pretty lame/mushy post, I know, but my wife is telling me she took PTO for me today and that I’m supposed to hurry up and jump into a boat for an afternoon of fishing. . . so, yeah, typical time spent on these things is cut even shorter.
All the same, I love each and every one of you who have taken the time to give my book a try, and your thoughts about the book, good or bad, are things that I heartily appreciate (although I tend to like the good ones better 🙂 ). And I really can’t wait to get the next couple of books out there and in people’s hands. I’m even more proud of what I’ve done with them so far.
Alright, fish are calling. . . have a good one!