Employment Sucks

So, getting back into the swing of things now that I’m actually back to doing my real job, sucks.

I’m finding it very difficult to have the stamina, energy, willpower, whatever, to actually work.  Knowing that I am probably going to take an extended leave of absence this summer doesn’t really help anything.  It just means that I’ve got to make it 3 months before I can take some real time away, and then, of course, I’ve got going back to work only a couple months later to look forward to. . . unless, of course, I somehow actually finish and sell this book by then, which is rather unlikely, no matter how good it is, or how quick I am to get it to a finished version.

This puts me in a horrible dilemma.  I can’t quit my job.  I mean, we could probably hobble by on the decreased income, and it would assist me in completing the novel that much faster, but it’s just not really an option for any extended period of time.  And no matter how much I may believe this project is sellable, it just doesn’t make fiscal sense to put my financial life in its hands.

The real problem is, dealing with my occupational depression makes it really difficult to put the work into the novel as I find myself struggling to complete the most basic of tasks at work and then having absolutely no mental energy left to put into my own project.  As can be seen through the record for the last week or so, this hasn’t really held me back too much, and I really believe that what’s been written so far is phenomenal, at least in the perspective of a first draft.  But I find it getting more and more difficult to really put myself in the direction of working on this book, even though my job is giving me more than enough motivation to do so.  Perhaps it’s that age-old fear that I’ll put all sorts of energy into it, only to have it go nowhere.

Ugh. . .

Anyways, seeing as my weekend was a complete writing failure, I’m stuck needing to make up 6000 words, putting my needed total at 8500 words for today.  Highly doubtful I’ll make it that far, but I’m going to have to make that up this week.  Here’s hoping I can do so quickly so I can get out of word count debt and once again be in the positive going into the weekend.  I can already see that trying to keep up the word count on weekends is going to be difficult, meaning I’m going to really have to pull out the willpower of Hal Jordan to do this book the way I’ve already promised myself I’d do.

With all that being said, I should really cut this short so I can make up for lost time on the adventure of Cyrus.

One quick final note. . . my webook submission is going well so far.  They are incredibly slow at vetting (or maybe receive) rater submissions, but the 3 I’ve got so far have all been 4s (out of 5).  Not perfect, but this really is a first draft submission, and, honestly, when looking at the first page, the rating is more to do with interest in the idea rather than the writing itself.  All the same, that puts me at 100% for moving on to the next round so far.  Obviously things won’t continue on this way once more ratings come in, but fingers are more hopeful about being crossed that we could actually have a chance to move on to round 2 and get the actual writing to be reviewed.

All the same, it’s a sign that this project has a bit more marketing hope to it than Buddy did, which means that my decision to move forward on this project is shaping up to be a good one so far.


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