Green

So, last night was a big win for those in Eau Claire, WI who like to live their lives vicariously through a fellow resident.  Yepper, Bon Iver won themselves 2 beautiful Grammys.  My facebook wall is filled with people who are overjoyed and filled with a hometown pride.  As well they should be.  It’s pretty freaking cool.

However, I found myself feeling the same way I did when I saw the group playing on SNL a week or so ago.  Jealous, or, perhaps better phrased, bitter.

Don’t get me wrong, he’s a talented musician.  I’m not much of one for really digging into these award ceremonies, so I’ll just have to say that I’m sure he deserved it.

Yet, for someone like me, who has these crazy ambitions of doing something creative with his life and having it recognized by, well, someone at least, I can’t help but harbor these feelings of resentment that it wasn’t me.

Of course, I would never expect to win a Grammy.  My guitar playing is beginner level at best, and although I’ve got plenty of years behind a piano on my record, I can never seem to coordinate both hands together.  So, it’s not like I’m actually in competition with this group, not directly anyways.  And, of course, I haven’t put anywhere near the time in that they have (I’m pretty sure) honing my art and really struggling to put it out there.  There is absolutely no good reason for me to feel this way.

And that, my friends, is exactly why I feel this way.  All this time that I’ve spent over the years whining about not actually doing what I want to do is time that I could have been spending doing it.  So, the years I would spend between projects just moaning about the fact that the project didn’t turn out the way I wanted it to, well, it was just something else that put me behind the band that had an amazing night last night.

So, I understand why I’m sitting here working a normal day job while trying to find time to put words to paper, instead of crafting an acceptance speech for my Pulitzer, or whatever.  And, seeing that someone from as unknown of a location as myself, in fact the exact same unknown location, can do so well for himself, well, it does two things.  It makes me bitter, yes.  But that bitterness is because while I was feeling that my location was a detriment to my craft, he was moving forward and making it not a detriment.

Now, I’m not moving to North Carolina (or, more fitting for my chosen profession, New York). But that’s not necessary.  I’m putting the time in to actually put words to paper and craft something that not only I believe in, but others will believe in as well.

In other words, although I really really really want to be incredibly pissed at Justin and his band for doing so well, I have to thank him, because it makes me all the more determined to actually succeed.

And, honestly, I wholeheartedly feel incredibly happy (as well as secretly a little bit of hometown pride) for Bon Iver’s accomplishments.  And last night was a wonderful way for them to know that they’ve done well, and they’ve done Eau Claire proud.

That just means I’ll have to get me a Nobel Prize to make sure he doesn’t overshadow me, right?

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