back on track

So, as is probably fairly easily guessed, I’ve been doing a bit of personal review to try to determine my best next course of action, you know, as a hopeful author.  The idea of completely switching gears from where I had intended to be right now, that being I would be hard at work on Book 2 of The Defenders Saga, was really causing me a bit of stress.  The fact that I really haven’t found any serious interest in book 1, Buddy Hero, just made it that much more difficult to know how to move forward.

So, although I have really tried (although partially failed) at keeping a bright a cheery face on here about the whole thing, it’s been wearing on me.  I really hate the process of querying agents (a fact I have not kept secret) and I hate even more that most of these people I query don’t even have the professional courtesy to even respond, even if it is a rejection.

Don’t get me wrong, I understand these folks are busy and that dealing with prospective published authors is an infinitesimally small priority in their occupational lives, but. . . well, it just makes it really difficult for me to want to work within the publishing industry.

However, there’s really no choice in this day and age.  Sure, I’ve self-pubbed Buddy Hero and have sold a few books, but not enough to even count.  I could probably do better with a marketing blitz, attempting to get people to review my book and all that jazz, but that’s just not something that interests me.  What interests me is writing.  I would love to write and get paid for it, but, selling a book just isn’t in my talent pool.

So, I got depressed.  Really really depressed.  The fact that I had worked so hard on crafting this novel of mine and was receiving little to no actual response on it, well, it was heartbreaking.  It still is heartbreaking.

It made it difficult to move forward on any of these other projects I had started the framework on.

This wasn’t a case of writer’s block, this was a straight up case of writer’s apprehension.  How could I possibly want to put the time in on another such project only to once again have it be rejected so flatly?

So, I went through the phases of grief.  I got pissed, I got depressed, I denied that people wouldn’t want my book, and I even did a great deal of bargaining.  And I did each of them many times over.  The one thing that constantly eluded me, and to be honest, still eludes me, is acceptance.  I couldn’t come to terms with the idea that what I had produced has no value.  I still can’t.  But what I did come to terms with was the fact that I am not currently able to convince anyone that it has a value.

So, as in my last post, I started realizing that if I were to write again, it would have to be something that would have a perceived value, with only a very high level review of the project.  If I can produce something like that, then I have much better prospects of having people actually review the work, instead of flatly rejecting it based on current market conditions.

But unfortunately, that realization didn’t make things any easier.  I simply wasn’t excited about any of the projects I had in mind that would fit that niche.  There are a couple that I believe would be relatively easy to produce, but when trying to fit writing into an already busy schedule, well, it’s really difficult to consider moving forward when the project doesn’t actually excite you.  And, granted, writing a book that doesn’t excite you isn’t probably the best way to ensure a well-written book.

So, finally, instead of moving forward on writing, I started looking for other avenues to move my life forward.  I looked into businesses I could invest in, other avenues for selling, and, all around things that I would consider a waste of my time.  I had honestly finally gotten to the point where I was ready to give up this crazy idea that I could actually become a published author.

Until this weekend.

Throughout my life, I’ve had a recurring series of dreams.  These dreams, although not directly connected to each other, always had me waking up excited.  They were these brilliant action movie type dreams.  The one that woke me up this passed weekend was simple.  I was running.  Yeah, there was a whole mixed up backstory that didn’t make much sense, but it all came down to running.

The dream kept running through my head with an unprecedented rate of clarity.  I actually kept remembering more about the dream as time went on, which is very different from the norm.  As the dream continued running through my head, I began developing something based very loosely on it in my head.  And finally, somewhere around 10am yesterday, things began to click into place.  The current product, as it is written in the hastily written Word document, resembles the dream in only one real regard, and that’s the aspect of running.  Starting off that simple concept, an entire world quickly developed.  A world that’s very similar to ours, but runs on a slightly different agenda.  And right in the middle of this world sits a character that I’m quickly falling in love with.

So, with all that being said, I’m proud to announce that I am finally writing again, for real this time.  I’ve already got most of the story put together and the first few pages put down on paper, and the rest of it is developing quickly in my head.  Just like when writing Buddy Hero, I can’t wait to get it all down in text, because I can’t wait to see what adventures occur along the way.

I’ve already got my writing schedule written up, and I’m ready to pursue this new venture wholeheartedly.  And this one, I believe, will be one that people will care about.

As for Buddy.  Well, he’s not forgotten about.  I have taken him out of publication.  No longer should you be able to purchase your own copies of the book.  But this is for an entirely larger reason.  I really want to pursue completing the Defenders Saga, but I want to do so appropriately.  After inadvertently being placed in the situation of finding some things I’m not incredibly happy about regarding the finalized version of Buddy, he’s going back into the rewrite phase.  He’s also on the back burner due to my newfound writing focus.  But he’ll be coming back in full force before long.  I’ve got big plans for him, and I intend on getting them completed.

But, for now, I’ve spent too much time writing on here just to explain what’s been going on for the past many months.  It’s time to write something.

Have a good one.



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