Documenting

So, in the continuation of my documentation of the life of an aspiring writer. . . I give you the doldrums.

I can’t officially call this time the doldrums, since I’m still receiving responses on almost a daily basis.  But it feels like there is no movement going on.  That’s really dumb, too, because just yesterday I received another request for pages from one of the many agents I have sent this on to.  Things are technically moving. . . .

But I feel like I’m standing still.  There is so little I can do right now in the way of selling my book.  I can go through and rewrite, which I’ve taken this week off from.  I can review my query letter and try to make it better. . . already done once this week.  I can submit to more agents. . . also already done enough this week for the new version of the query letter.

I could get back to working on my next projects.  Honestly, that one is one I probably should be doing.  I’ve gotten started on the framework of both of them, and could continue further.  The only thing that I find difficult on that is that I don’t know which one I want to focus on more at the moment.  I’ve got the sequel to THE LEGEND OF BUDDY HERO, and I’ve got a completely unrelated novel, one of which I’m not even sure would fall into the same genre.

I’m not a man who likes to waste my own time.  I realize that both of these books are ones that I want to write at some point.  But, if I never sell LEGEND, then the importance of writing a sequel isn’t really there.  If I do sell LEGEND, this alternative project would need to go on the back burner because it wouldn’t fit the genre that I’ve placed myself into (and assumably people would want me to get right on that sequel).

And it’s not like I’m not busy already.  I’ve got my day job, I’ve got my wife and daughter to pay attention to, there’s 5 billion house tasks that need to get completed, and I’ve got to prep for the impending birth of my son.  That’s just to name the couple of things I can think of off the top of my head.

But I find myself wanting to write.  I don’t want to just do these journal entries that no one’s actually reading.  Leadme.org is very spiritually fulfilling, but it’s really just commentary.  I want to create!  I want to develop new worlds and new characters and give life to things that don’t exist.  I want to build, describe, motivate, speak.  I want to write.

But even if I had the time right now to really dedicate to such a process. . . it’ s very difficult to find the energy.  I spend my days anxiously awaiting the next rejection letter, hoping that someday someone will recognize my project for what it is and want to work with me on getting someone to print it.

So, these doldrums are in actuality a situation where I spend the time I could be spending creating, researching how to market myself and my book.  It’s getting better. . . but I just don’t see how I could do things any differently right now.  The most important thing for my writing is to get my writing out there, and that step, at the moment, is to get someone who knows the industry, to work on my behalf.

And they exist.  The people that I have currently reading my work appear (per my research on the internets) to be the type of people that I want to work with.  They appear to be genuine, creative, funny people who don’t hide behind pretense and expect me to lie about myself, my product, or my previous experience, in order for them to consider working with me.  Now, of course, that doesn’t mean they will end up believing in my project enough to want to work with me.  It just means that I would be greatly honored to have any of them represent me and my book. . . at least from what the internet has to say about them.

And just from the fact that they took the time to look past my horribly written query letters to see a project with some heart means they are people who must be able to speak my language, in at least some small fashion.

So, I’m in the doldrums because I feel like I’m waiting for a girl to respond to my note asking if they like me.  That same fluttering in my stomach happens whenever I think of these people, wondering if they are going to accept me and give me a chance.  I don’t feel depressed about all of the other rejections, because they don’t mean anything to me.  I just feel anxious to hear from the people that have shown promise as business partners, and can’t wait to get to work with them.

If only you could get away with sending out letters of interest to all of the girls you were interested in while in high school. . . sheesh, I think I would have had a heart attack at 15.  Could be an interesting story to tell some day though :-).  But just like that concept, sure, I have a favorite.  But I don’t really know any of them all that well, I just know that I’m anxious to know whether or not they’ll ‘be mine’.

And now I’m done with the cheesiness.

Perhaps I should write something much more manly next time.  Been spending too much time trying to document the emotions of this process that I’m thinking I might be giving off the wrong idea about me here.  .  .

So, yeah, how about them Packers?

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